TAOISM: Shit happens.
CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, “Shit happens”.
ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?)
ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.
COMMUNISM: Equal shit happens to all people.
CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad.
PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training.
SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if youre on our shit list.
ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Lets have coffee and donuts.
RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else.
JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?
REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?
MYSTICISM: What weird shit!
AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?
ATHEISM: I dont believe this shit!
NIHILISM: Who needs this shit?
AZTEC: Cut out this shit!
QUAKER: Lets not fight over this shit.
FORTEANISM: No shit??
12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit.
VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you!
NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening.
DEISM: Shit just happens.
EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesnt happen; shit is.
SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind.
BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind.
SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere.
HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.
WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen!
HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice.
THEOSOPHY: You dont know half of the shit that happens.
DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before your were born.
SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays.
JEHOVAHs WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.
MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens.
HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.
BAHAI: Its all the same shit.
STOICISM: This shit is good for me.
OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you.
EST: If my shit bothers you, thats your fault.
REAGANISM: Dont move; the shit will trickle down.
FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time.
CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the shit away.
EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.
DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today.
RASTAFARIANISM: Lets smoke this shit.
CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesnt smell bad.
MASONIC: Shit happens, but we cant discuss it during Lodge.
RED CROSS: Shit happens – send money.
JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?
TAOISM: Shit happens.