Samtal mellan David Caruso och Jerry Bruckheimer

Detta är ett fiktivt samtal mellan David Caruso, som är den rödhåriga skådespelaren i CSI Miami och producenten Jerry Bruckheimer, som har hjälpt till att producera CSI Miami.

Bruckheimer: David, how are you doing? Have you recovered from your Emmy snub?
Caruso: Im doing okay, Jerry. Thanks for asking.
Bruckheimer: Dont mention it.
Caruso: Now that you bring it up, though, Jerry, Ive been doing some soul-searching. Trying to figure out how Emmy Awards voters manage to overlook me year after year after year.
Bruckheimer: I know! It doesnt make sense.
Caruso: [Putting on shades.] Or… does it?
Bruckheimer: David?
Caruso: Heres the thing, boss. I think we need to do… a very special episode
Bruckheimer: Nice! Like a crossover with The Unit?
Caruso: Not exactly, Jerry. Not exactly.
Bruckheimer: So what are you thinking?
Caruso: Picture this: The episode opens, and Im crouched low, looking meaningfully into the eyes of a little girl, maybe five, six years old. Her stripper mother lies dead in a pool of blood in the background. I put my hand on her shoulder and say, “Young lady, were going to find the monsters who did this to your mommy.” And she says, “Monsters? You mean like the boogie man in the basement?” And then I say, “Yes, sweetheart, but this time… [Taking off shades.] … hes got nowhere to hide.”
Bruckheimer: Okay, but what makes that different from the seven-other kid-centric episodes we did last season?
Caruso: Ah, but wait, Jerry. Heres where it gets interesting.
Bruckheimer: Okay, Im listening.
Caruso: This time, instead of passing off the child to the nice people at social services, I decide the only way to protect her is to keep her by my side at all times. So she shadows me through the whole episode. Almost like “take your daughter to work day.”
Bruckheimer: Or “take the traumatized child to work day,” if you will.
Caruso: YES! First, I can take her to her mothers autopsy. But it wont scar her for life, because as Khandi Alexander cuts into the corpse, shell refer to it as “sweetheart,” “baby,” and other various terms of endearment.
Bruckheimer: Then what?
Caruso: Then, well drop by the ballistics lab, where well outfit the little girl with a pair of pint-sized, protective headphones, while Emily Procter fires a few rounds into a wall, to test the bullet striations. Maybe well let the kid fire a couple shots, lighten the mood a little.
Bruckheimer: Okay, go on…
Caruso: Finally, well find some excuse for Adam Rodriguez to take off his shirt and dive into a local lagoon, to retrieve some evidence, or something.
Bruckheimer: Of course.
Caruso: And then at the very end, the killer will somehow get his hands on the little girl, use her as a human shield in a showdown with the entire force. And thats where Ill get to give a big, impassioned monologue about a childs innocence and the fleeting nature of life.
Bruckheimer: Before blowing the perps head off?
Caruso: Either that, or Ill follow the perp to Rio!
Bruckheimer: Viewers love it when you go to Brazil.
Caruso: I KNOW!
Bruckheimer: Theres just one thing Im not getting.
Caruso: Whats that?
Bruckheimer: Well, if its a very special episode, shouldnt there be some pyrotechnics? At least one big explosion?
Caruso: Oh, therell be an explosion all right… [Putting on shades.] … an explosion of emotions.
Bruckheimer: Oh, David, I smell a ratings bonanza.
Caruso: And I… I smell an Emmy.

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